Tales from the Steppes

2004-03-15

12:45 p.m.
Gravity falls

I have decided that I will treat EM's anxiety as if it were gravity. I can not see it, yet I can see it's effects. I do not completely understand it, but must acknowledge it's existence. And it is so far the biggest challenge I have faced as a parent.

I often tell EM that the only thing she can ever really control in life is her reaction to events. This may not actually be true for her, but it is for me, so I need to make a plan for how I am going to deal with things. In talking to her last night, it seems that one of her fears comes from having her room on the third floor, with the boys. Well, ok. I can fix that. She can have my office and I will use part of the playroom. YM can then have her bedroom. We were talking about moving anyway, so when we do, we will make certain that her room is not on a separate floor.

This is a pretty easy issue to address. By far, the harder issue is that of my schedule. My schedule interjects a fair amount of stress into our house, as I am often not home in the evenings during the week. Often, I have school or work meetings. I had already decided that I was going to have to leave my job in May to finish my thesis; I may have to move that date up or start taking off earlier in the afternoon.

I have misgivings about leaving my job, even though it is the logical thing to do. It is not a particularly taxing job, nor do I make any money at it. It does, however, satisfy my need for competancy, unlike most of the rest of my life. I have no desire to be a homemaker and am a horrible housefrau. I enjoy my research, but I work in a vacuum so it is impossible for me to evaluate my abilities. Oh well. Maybe it means I'll be able to pickup my polearm before August.