Tales from the Steppes

2004-02-24

10:06 a.m.
sem(id)iotics

Note: If you are looking for an educated discourse on semantics, read no further. These are merely my thoughts and opinions and are not informed by any great knowledge.

English as a language is horribly imprecise in communicating our actual meaning. Take, for example, the word "friend." It describes a wide range of relationships from the people you hang out with to those who are so close to you that they are like a second skin. There are a few other words we use to describe those we care for, but are not related to. "Buddy," "pal," "companion." None of these quite cut it. Even if you do love someone, it is not socially acceptable to call them your lover, as that implies a physical relationship. Funny how our language seems to value the physical over the emotional.

I am lucky enough to have a couple of these "second skin" people in my life and never know what to call them. I originally thought about calling them "kidneys," becuase if they called me in the middle of the night wanting a kidney, I would gladly give it to them. But then I realized that I would actually give a kidney to anyone that needed it and doing so did not require a relationship. We only need one kidney, so no big deal, right? Besides, it just doesn't sound particularly flattering.

I thought about calling them my "bank accounts," as I would give them all of my money if they needed it. But there is something very unsavoury about mixing the concept of money with friendship. True friends are worth more than money.

It is too bad that we can not describe friends the way we talk about colors. In describing colors, we use RGB (red green blue), CMYK (cyan magenta yellow black) and HSV (hue saturation value)systems so that we can be precise in our color use. Three or four sets of variables allows us to be specific in choosing colors and describing to others just what we are envisioning.

What if we had a system like that for friendship? Maybe the three variables would be something like heart, mind, and soul. (I know that there are many, many ways to look at friendships; this is just one.) You could then start to build a three-d model of the relationships in your life. A landscape, if you will.

I am not certain of the "why"s of this particular exercise. Maybe it would be interesting, maybe not. If you find potholes or chasms, is that a problem? Or just a configuration?

It _is_ curious that we do not have better language to describe relationships. Is it adequate to merely add the words "good" or "best" in front of friend? Maybe people do not see these shadings in their life. Or even have them. Perhaps it is just not necessary to have words to describe our relationships. I don't know.