Tales from the Steppes

2004-05-16

10:20 p.m.
Sirloin burger, with country vegetables

I guess having the nice thing about having a week like the last is that it is difficult for me to get upset about any one thing, because I wouldn't know where to begin. Pretty safe to say that it blew, chunky style.

So here is the short form. Because the long form is just too much.

The final presentation for the urban design class got postponed until this Thursday becuase my little friends apparently did not bother to inform the professor that they could not attend. Now the prof is pissed, funny thing. Hopefully not at me, seeing as how I did tell him that I would not make it as soon as I knew the schedule. So that is not a totally sucko thing. I get to drive to OC on Thursday and present my work in person, rather than letting one of my little friends explain it. Assuming I finish it. Heh.

The reason I could not make it to the previously scheduled presentation was that it conflicted with an oral surgery appointment. Which went ok, I guess. No blood on my sweater and I don't remember waking up during the middle this time. Unfortunately my face swelled up on the left side. Again. Not as much as with this last winter's abscess, but the blood pooled downwards and has left me with a big bruise. Looks like someone socked me in the face. I didn't realize how bad it was until I took Griffin to a birthday party and noticed that the other mothers wouldn't look me in the eyes. When I took him to the bathroom, I understood the problem. If I had rested like I was supposed to, I might could have avoided this, but it was not to be.

Our real estate agent has given us 10 days to get the house ready to go onto the market. 10 days seems like a long time, but it is not. So far, I have not been able to find a painter that can work on short notice. The SU is taking longer to finish the hardwood up the stairs than he had previously planned. I have to finish the waterfall I have started as well as pack stuff and get it into storage. I almost have the front of the house planted in a realtor appoved fashion. But between the steroids and antibiotics, I am not wuite up to full speed, so things are not going as fast as I would like. The good news is that it is quite possible we will have doubled our money on this house within the 5 years since I contracted to have it built. Not too shabby an investment.

The real kicker for the week is that the SU's latest diagnostic test came up positive for something. He has a polyp of some sort, but hard to say of exactly what type yet. Biopsy will not be back until later this week. The doctor gives it a 50% chance of not requiring further surgery but I am skeptical. This is not his "real" doctor, only the one that he sees locally to get diagnostic tests run. So when this doctor gives his opinion, he is talking about what would be found normally, not given the genetic situation and family history. His "real" doctor at Hopkins wants to take the entire rest of the colon out to prevent any more cancers, but the SU is understandably reluctant.

You know, I wasn't going to rant about this, hadn't completely realized just how much it bothered me until I wrote it. But I do feel a need to blow off some steam, so skip it if you want to. I am sooo fucking tired of this. I am sooo fucking tired of having the kids ask me if Daddy has cancer. I know life is not fair; I don't expect it to be. But it totally tears me up to know that each kid has a 50% chance of having this fucking gene, if it is just the one. Good chance there is more than one mutation, given the virulence in the SU's family. Sure there is also a 50% chance they won't have it. In the SU's generation, they ALL got it. I am not holding my breath. It is too much to explain to them that there is a chance they will die like their cousin John at 14 of a brain tumor. While there is a blood test, the doctors will not run it until they are 18. Well that's pretty damn comforting. So for now they sleep in ignorance, while I constantly watch for any signs of any abnormalities. I don't feel like I can do anything for the SU, but maybe I can help the kids.

Guess I lied up at the top. If I was a nice little diarist, I would edit what I write. But then, what would be the point?