Tales from the Steppes

2005-07-18

3:15 p.m.

How young are you? How old am I?
Let's count the rings around my eyes
- The Replacements

I went out to see my parents on Saturday afternoon and that was painful depressing strange uncomfortable and irritating all at the same time.

Painful because it was obvious that my father was in pain the entire time I was there. Even with a lidocaine patch and some serious narcotics, he hurts. Much of this is caused by an irritation of an intercostal nerve that was damaged during physical therapy. No matter the cause, it is always painful to see anyone so uncomfortable.

Depressing because my father has lost a pretty serious amount of weight that he really did not need to lose. He had little old man stick legs instead of the relatively muscular legs he has always sported. When he walked me to my car as I was leaving, he bobbled and nearly fell over. In a matter of weeks, he has seemed to age a decade. Or maybe it is just my perception that has changed.

Strange because I sat there and showed my father how a glucometer works - a simple thing. Not scary at all. But yet I needed to reassure him, stick my finger a few times and demonstrate how small a deal it is. Having read in books and heard on talk shows (while sitting on the sofa eating bon bons) about parenting your parents, I intellectually grock the phenomenon. But the little bit of reality I experienced just seemed wrong on several levels.

I have never put my father up on a pedestal because I don't actually do that with anyone. And while he certainly is an expert in some fields, I do not have the security clearance to know those things. So it is not like I expect him to know everything and do anything. But certainly since I grew out of my teenage brattiness, sometime in my twenties, I have tried to be deferential. I ask his advice on things, even when I don't really need it and will probably not take it, as a way of communicating my respect.

He has asked my advice as well. But only on things that I really know what I am talking about. Having had gestational diabetes for about 4 months should not qualify me as any sort of expert in the field. And I made sure I communicated this to my parents.

Uncomfortable because I have an ugly feeling that even undiagnosed diabetes would not cause not only the radical weight loss but also loss of appetite. Not that he has been diagnosed with diabetes yet - he just had a high blood sugar when it was measured at the doctor's office last time. And it might explain some of what is going on and it seems a safer topic of speculation than some others. My father just looks terribly unhealthy.

Irritating because my parents choose to live out in the middle of nowhere and it takes an hour or more to get there. Entirely their right but you forfeit some "whining about traffic" rights when you choose to do so. Yes, they could have afforded to buy somewhere closer in but they needed a big house. For their stuff.

Let my eyes
See everything and nothing in their time
- Vertical Horizon

Once again, pretty lame. But I am too swamped to write.
And apparently, I am evil incarnate. What a surprise.

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.