Tales from the Steppes

2006-08-04

10:40 a.m.
Friday, August 4

I am frustrated. It seems like I spend most of my time at home trying to fix things. Yesterday, I got home to discover that my phone is out. Not disconnected, just not working. Why? Who knows. Certainly not Verizon, who will not come out until Monday to investigate. Sigh.

And then there is my laptop. The laptop with my thesis on it. For the last couple of weeks it has had a mysterious problem that sucks away my time. Time that I could have spent sewing garb for Pennsic. (Don't laugh too hard. I actually have started a sewing project. Perhaps someday I will even finish it.) But my computer has gotten in the way because I cannot stand to have it behaving so strangely. So here is the deal. Anyone that helps me fix this problem or even suggests the correct avenue to try can have whatever of mine they want. Except for my mountain bike - that is non-negotiable. Books, cds, you name it. I'd even trade my Dawn of the Dead game - mint with counters still attached. Though perhaps a bit sadly. You can even have my Carl Cthulhu doll, with his glowing eyes of doom/glowing eyes of love - your choice. Just help me with my damn computer!!!!

So here is the problem: When I boot up, the computer beeps, long and loudly. Then, when I go to open any software, it starts throwing up Help menus. This is with Internet Explorer, Adobe Photoshop, Yahoo Messenger, a whole host of programs. If the help file is missing, it sits and spins, trying to access the missing file. Sometimes it throws up more than 150 Help screens. If I click on the screen to close it, my clicking spawns more menus. To close the menus, I have to get into the Task Manager and close them that way, which spawns Task Manager Help windows. This means I have to close menus faster than new ones can open.. There seems to be no consistency for when the computer will do this. Sometimes I can boot up and work for 1/2 hour with no problems. Other times, the issues start immediately, I resolve them, can work for a bit, and then they start up again. There is no logic or pattern to the problems.

So here is the short form of what I have tried so far. I have run numerous virus removing programs. Norton Antivirus has been up and running at all times but I have also downloaded Microsoft's Defender and several others. I have Microsoft's Malicious Software Remover running. I own multiple programs to get rid of adware and other nasties. I have run CWShredder to get rid of stuff in my caches. I have run Hijack This! multiple times to examine for bogus processes running. I have used JV16 power tools to futz with my registry, as well as the system tools that come with Windows.

So far, I have found nothing. Nada. Zip. And I am pissed. I have never had a virus or anything of much malignancy on ANY computer I deal with regularly. I have been tempted to just whip my credit card out and order a new computer, but I am trying to be good. A conservative estimate of the amount of time I have spent on this would be over 40 hours. So when I offer a reward for help with this, please know how serious I am.

It's probably something very stupid that I just haven't thought of. I guess I could try reinstalling Windows 2000 to see if I have a corrupted file. Maybe this weekend.

After my yard sale. Saturday. Lots of books. Antiques too. Come and buy lots of stuff!

Last night I went out and bought fun stuff for Pennsic. A hand crank blender that works really well. Ummm margaritas. And an ice cream ball. You put the cream and sugar, etc in the inside container and ice and rock salt around it. Then you and your friends (or small children that you hire) roll the ball around for 1/2 hour and out comes a quart of ice cream. Woohoo! I may not have phone service or a working computer but I can make ice cream and margaritas without electricity. I am not certain what that says about my priorities in life.