Tales from the Steppes

2006-03-29

3:12 p.m.
-

All my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
- Peter Gabriel

If I had a garden gnome in my yard, it would look like this. Really.

Last night, I was sitting in my living room with my laptop, chatting online with a friend while spudding out. I have actually discovered a show that I enjoy - "The Closer" but am still not really engrossed enough to be able to watch without doing something else as well. The rest of the house was asleep. My favorite time of day.

The power cord on my laptop had just snapped off, right at the back of my computer, so I was puzzling on how to fix this. There was no stub for me to pull easily so I was having to futz with tools. The house was quiet so I could here very clearly the sound of water splashing onto a surface upstairs. Or should I say, liquid.

As usual, my brain is not the quickest and I have to go through my WTF moment before going upstairs. I checked the bathroom, no problems there. Next stop, the boys room. Both of them are sound asleep, not playing, but there is a pool of .... liquid on the table next to their bunkbeds. And the carpet has a wet spot as well.

Now this was puzzling. Who peed on the table and how did they do it? They were both dead asleep. Neither of them are very good actors so I know they weren't faking. Especially when I checked their underwear. If they were awake, they would have been compelled to snicker and make a wiener comment. The table surface is taller than the YM's waist so he would have either had to stand on the lower bunk, holding on to the upper while peeing or been more talented than I think he is. I have never noticed his aim being that good. Or the MM could have gotten on his knees and peed down from the upper bunk. He did not get down from the bunk, as that is clearly audible. Very strange.

I did check to see where Beorn was, just in case. He would have to be exceptionally talented as well but I would not put it past him - he has nothing better to do but practice these things. He was downstairs, asleep as well. So, not him.

So I cleaned up the mess and went back to my futzing, thoroughly perplexed. Perhaps I have a poltergeist. It would be just my luck to have one that does not leave green goo but rather bodily fluids.

I did get the remains of my old power cord removed, so that was a happy thing. I have a second power cord that I can retrieve from my secret lair so I am not hosed on that front.

They arrived at an inconvenient time.
I was hiding in a room in my mind.
- Kate Bush

One of my favorite segments that Bill Maher does is "New Rules" because it acknowledges that you learn something new every day. It confirms that people or things act in completely unexpected ways - something that your old rules did not anticipate.

Personally, I enjoy phrasing my rules in a biblical manner. Some of my more favorite ones are "Thou shalt not dissolve hard candy in grain alcohol and call it a Lemon Drop". (No, I did not try it.) And "Thou shalt not use the words "moral imperative" in any sentence and expect to be taken seriously".

Yesterdays new rule was "Thou shalt not tell thine local petty bureaucrat that thou lovest them. Not once, not twice, not three times." Icky icky icky. No putting me on speed dial just so I can explain for the 8th time exactly how the development process works. I do not want to chat with you. We are not friends and I don't want to hear about your children. I have other work to do. No telling me how much you love me - it will only make me run away when we finally do meet. Just say "thank you" and be done with it. Write a letter if you really feel the need. Yes, I am helpful. Apparently too helpful. But it's not personal. It's my job.