Tales from the Steppes

2005-11-21

10:34 p.m.
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The real issue with not having a babysitter is the logistics of getting the EM home from her bus stop. I found that a Ride On bus goes past the nearest main road to where she gets dropped off and has another stop 1/4 mile from our house. Last Friday, I got off early and met her at the bus to teach her how to ride public transportation. The potential problems became quickly apparent - her school bus was nearly 20 minutes late. Fortunately the Ride On bus is supposed to come every 15 minutes. We walked to the stop and waited. And waited. Finally it showed up and I had the fun of teaching her how to signal for a stop and where to sit etc. I have a neighbor who will let her hang out for a bit if the weather is bad and she makes it home before me.

I have some misgivings about this whole process. She is nearly 11 and mostly seems to have a good head on her shoulders, when she can find it. I am hopeful that this will give the EM a sense of competance that she can negotiate an environment - a very important developmental issue. But still, I felt the need for some backup, so I will know what is going on and if there is a problem. So as an early birthday present, I bought her a cell phone. This gives me a bit of heartburn from the standpoint that I consider it a bit against my principles. From a practice standpoint, I could not come up with another solution. I cannot leave work any earlier than 3:30 - it is bad enough that I have changed my schedule as such. Her school does change afterschool schedules with no notice. Her bus is late quite often. I am hopeful that she will feel like this is a safety net, because I certainly do.

But she now has a cell phone. Ack! Her minutes are on my account, so I will know who she is calling etc. We had said the phone was just for emergencies - this was the intent. But now she has quite rightly pointed out that if this is her birthday present, she should get to use it a bit more than that. So I need to decide whether to just say no, it's not a birthday present or to allow her to use it at other times. My inclination is just to let the matter drop and see if this is actually an issue or not. She hardly ever talks on the phone at home. Who is she going to call?

Getting used to the new schedule is going to be very difficult. I am a night person by inclination. While I do not get to sleep as much as I should, it is not that I do not like to sleep. I particularly like to sleep from the hours of 6am to 9am. Or 10am occasionally. Never happens, but I do like it. But being at work in my windowless office at 6:30am just seems wrong. It is not that much earlier for me to get up, as I had to drive the EM to the school bus stop before 7. I am just not ready for higher thought at that hour of the morning. Hiking or being outdoors is one thing - that I can do very early. Reviewing development plans is just painful before my mind is fully awake.

But I guess I had better go to bed, though it is not even midnight yet. Bleah.

Tired of living like a blind man
I�m sick of sight without a sense of feeling
- Nickelback

I begin the post-babysitter phase of my life today. Last week I gave Claudia her walking papers because really, it was just a waste of my money. No matter how many times I explained that her real job was to watch the YM, she would instead spend her time doing homework and IMing with her friends. I came home a number of times as it was starting to get dark to find that the YM was not home and when asked where he was, her reply involved him going out biking, probably at the park. Oh yeah, that's responsibility. I really thought my response to this situation would give her a first clue - I would immediately go find him. 5 year old have no business being off on their own after dark. I would then reinforce my response by a comment about my expectations of her supervising him in the afternoon. I am pretty sure I communicated my displeasure. Perhaps I was too subtle, as I did not raise my voice.

Of course, this was not the only problem. The YM did not acknowledge her as much more than furniture, no matter how many times I told him she was in charge and he had to listen to her. He is one of those children that challenges authority and if authority does nothing in response, he concludes that authority is, in fact, not authority. I explained to her the full range of consequences available for her use but she did nothing. He would not listen to her and nothing bad would happen except that he would get in trouble when I got home. At 5 years old, children are much like dogs - consequences need to follow swiftly after actions so the two are properly associated. This was definitely an uphill battle.

Things came to a head last Wednesday when the YM came home from school. He had had a really bad day - a kid kicked him in the face on the playground, there was a show and tell problem, and he thought a safety patrol called him a "retard". (The safety patrol insists that she said something else but that isn't really the issue - he thought she said retard) What he needed was a hug and some down time. Instead, he got Claudia telling him to get in the car, they neded to go pick up the EM from school, as she had an after school activity that day. He tried to communicate with her but probably not very effectively - he is five. She did not understand what he was trying to say and basically blew off his issues without really understanding their magnitude to him. And then he lost it and picked up a butter knife and threatened her with it. Not good. Unfortunately her response to this was to walk away from him instead of dealing with the issue right then.

So this is what I walked into about 15 minutes later. The EM's after school activity had been cancelled without notice so she had ridden the bus to her bus stop, tried to call me but I was in a meeting, spoke to her father, and then went home with a friend. I left work as soon as I got the message so I could figure out how I was going to get her home and needed the friend's phone number, which was on my fridge. What a mess. Fortunately I had already investigated changing my hours so that I could be home in the afternoons.

So that is what I am now doing: 6:30 to 3:30 and I will take work home when necessary. Which seems like all of the time - it is not a job that can be done in 40 hours a week. Or at least not by me. But then, I think competance is rewarded with greater quantity and more complex work. The Doof usually comes in after me and leaves before me and never takes any work home. But this is not usual for my department - the rest of us work harder and longer.