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Thursday, July 28

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Tales from the Steppes


2005-07-29

8:53 a.m.
Friday, July 29

Balance the cost of the soul you lost
Without dreams your life is sold

- Dan Fogelberg

The skin on the Doof's face is peeling off in strips. Completely gross. It seems he went camping last weekend with his buddies. Somewhere in West Virginia, by some river. He doesn't know which one. Over the course of 24 hours these guys each consumed between 3 and 4 cases of beer. Yeah. I bet it was the good stuff too. So in the course of all of this consumption, he forgot to reapply his sunscreen.

Pathetically, my first thought on hearing this was to wonder how many calories he had ingested doing this. Later calculations approximated the total to be near 10,000. Of course, this is assuming that his body had time to process the calories before releasing the liquid. Oh my god, I am sooooo old that I think about the calories in beer. And I am soooo lame that I actually figured out how many he had consumed

My second thought had to do with liver damage. That is more alcohol than I have consumed cumulatively over the last year or two. It was only my third thought that got me to a substantially less polite version of "gee, that's not very bright of you". I thought about sharing this thought with him but he seemed so proud of his ..... prowess. So I left my comments at a a dry "Ah" and decided he could just wonder at what I actually meant by this.

Except that he is not really the sort of person that wonders about much of anything.

I have certainly done my share of stupid things and plan on continuing this fine tradition until the day I die. But I usually know they are stupid before I do them. Or shortly thereafter. I fully expect my friends to laugh at my idiocy. I am not in the "Jackass" leaugue of stupidity but I can certainly understand the desire to pull some of those stunts. What really struck me most about his story was that the drinking was so unimaginative and boring and that he did not have a sense that he was being stupid.

You would think from this that the Doof was a 20 or 25 year old but no, he is over 30 with a kid.

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