Tales from the Steppes

2005-03-04

1:08 p.m.
I've got depraved chimps dressed up in women's underwear

So I took my first dose this morning. And so far I am not irritable. Insane, yes. Irritable, not yet. Of course, it takes 24 hours for the concentration to build in your blood stream, so maybe I am just having a lag. Or maybe my brain chemistry has changed since last time. Or as the disclaimer reads in a mutual fund prospectus "Past performance is not a reliable indicator of future gains." Or some such drivel.

Since I have not been able to do much writing in my brain-damaged state, I have been doing some reading. Or trying to. I am reading "Mortal Love" by Elizabeth Hand, which is fabulous, but it reads as a fever dream. And if you are already not so present upon the planet, it begins to be hard to tell if you are reading it or imagining it.

So I have moved on to something a bit lighter for the time being - random diaries on D-land. Several things have immediately come to my attention through this exercise. I am obviously not writing about the right things. Allow me to correct this now.

What I Did Last Night It was not interesting. I saw no one, went nowhere, ate nothing, nor watched anything on tv that was of any interest to anybody. Even myself.

What I Did Last Weekend It was not very interesting either. No concerts, theater, or eating out. Unless we count the pizza from Papa John's at the MM's birthday party. I don't. I saw nobody you know and did not drink, dance or flirt with anyone.

Wrongs My Parents Committed On Me Can't really halp much with this one either. Yes, my parents are a bit unusual. Perhaps my mother is a tad chilly. And irrational. And yes, I challenged their parenting skills with my precocious ability to punch holes in their logic and excessive independence and strong-willed nature. But none of us are any the worse for it. Oh wait, I just remembered something. Once, when I was in the 4th grade, my mother and I were having an argument on when during the evening did I have to clean the kitchen. I wanted to do it after I watched a tv show and she wanted me to do it right then. She started to declaim about it and ended her speach with "And if I am lying, may God strike me dead right now." And I rolled my eyes and said "Oh, yeah. Right" very sarcastically. And she slapped me!! I am so scarrred for life. Oh, yeah. Right.

My Pets I have pets, yes I do. Right now, there are 8 of them. Beorn the Old English Sheepdog, he's so cute! Rosie, the cat, cute and cuddly. Max the ferret, absolutely adorable. Squooshie the hamster, hamsteriffic! Frogzilla the fire-bellied frog, he's a cricket eating machine. Newt the newt who was never given a name. And the two unamed aquasaurs. There used to be four, but two have disappeared. Not certain whether they were eaten or went down the drain during the last water change. Oh well. Perhaps I should get a little dog that I can dress up and call all sorts of cute nicknames.

My Sucko Job Yep, it sucks. I am underpaid, my boss sucks, my coworkers suck. Tra la tra la.

Men Suck Well, you won't read that from me. I actually like men. Yes, some men suck. But about the same proportion of women do too.

Nobody Understands Me I am such an enigma, there is nobody else like me. In the whole wide world. Oh, yeah. Right.

The Goddess I am not certain which Goddess this is, but she is apparently fabulous. I am amused by anyone that thinks a/the higher being has a sex. And that they are qualified to know which one it is.

Sex Sex with toys, sex by myself, sex with members of the same sex, sex with strangers, sex with handcuffs, sex ad infinitum. Sigh. Perhaps a little too much sharing going on out there in D-land. But I have learned some things and isn't learning a good thing? But as far as sex and I are concerned, there is nothing you need to know unless you are actually having sex with me. In which case, you already know these things. Therefore it is not a topic for discussion. Unless something really, really funny happens. Then I might, MIGHT, share. But probably not. It hasn't happened yet.

Make your contributions now to send my dwarves to summer camp. Perhaps I can put them up for auction on EBay. Is that abusive? Maybe they will start a diary and write about me and the wrongs I have committed on them.