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Tales from the Steppes


2004-06-25

1:30 p.m.
Recycling moments from others' lives, You're not as precious as you contrive

Words to engrave over one's mirror. Ah well.

So I appear to have actually gotten everything lined up for the upcoming festivities. I am not certain which deity I should be thanking for this particular miracle. We settle on the new house next Tuesday, move on July 15th, and settle on the current house on July 19th. The mortgage was acquired with the only hink coming in the form of finding homeowners insurance. But I have solved that problem and will write yet another Big Ass Check (tm) on my way home, and all will be ready for next Tuesday. Except for picking up a really Big Ass Check (tm) on Monday to go to the table with. The movers are arranged. I even have childcare arranged starting the Monday after we move. If all goes as arranged, I think I may have to sacrifice an animal or small child as payback for this synchronicity. Oh wait, maybe it was my thesis that got burned on that altar.

So as I was sitting in traffic (yet again) I started wondering why bumper stickers never tell us anything that we really want to know. For example, there are a lot of people who have those Christian fish thingies on their car. Given that Christianity is the dominant religion in this country, it doesn't really tell you anything special about the person in the car. Certainly it does not seem connected to anything having to do with the way the person drives. Maybe it should be HWJD - How Would Jesus Drive. Maybe the driver feels that by displaying a fish, they are somehow more Christian than the non-displayers of fish. Religious pride is a wonderful thing. :^*

I guess it is the same with the people with all of the American flags plastered on their vehicles. "Hey look! It's an American! Haven't seen one of those in a long time." I have nothing against patriotism, but our recent displays seem a little excessive. Not to mention meaningless. Want to show how much you love our country? Why not DO something to make it a better place instead of putting on a bumpersticker.

What I would like to see in bumperstickers is truth in driving habits - information you can really use. How about "I ride my brakes so don't trust my brakelights". Or "I like to drive in the left lane. Don't even bother flashing your lights. You have to pass me on the right." Or the short but informative "I swerve" Or maybe it would become like the personal ads and we could develop a code. Instead of WPM ISO W/APF NS into BDSM, we could have an STRR (swerving tailgater with road rage) trying to avoid the OMSWs (Old Myopic can't see over the Steering Wheels) Now that is information I can use on the road. Not whether your child got on the Honor Roll at Whatever ES.

For the record, I don't have any bumper stickers on my car. I have not found any that have passed the amusing and/or informative test enough to want to display them. I used to have a Darwin fish on my old VW. But someone chipped it off, ruining my custom paint job. And I found that I cared more about my paint job than the loss of the insignia. I am sure there is more than one moral to that story.

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