Tales from the Steppes

2004-02-20

11:31 a.m.
oh so queasy

One of the biggest challenges in raising children is to know how much freedom to grant them. While the actual number of child abductions/murders/rapes has not gone up in recent years, our awareness about them has. This makes the balancing act much harder as no parent is oblivious to the dangers that lurk in the outside world.

On the flip side, there are many dangers to not allowing your children the freedom that is developmentally appropriate. There is just a delayed effect in the way they are manifested. Children's sense of competence and self are developed in the ambiguous zones, away from supervision. Doesn't sound like much? Hey, it's just their personality we're talking about.

But the question is how much freedom is the right amount? I don't have the answer at all and am not sure that my compromises are even the correct ones.

Today, EM is walking home from school by herself, getting ready for ballet, and packing for the sleepover party she will be atttending this evening. Without any adult supervision. Yes, we live in a nice area with no violent crime and there is the large dog at home to consider as well. But I will be 1 1/2 hours away and her father is at least 50 mins from home. If something goes wrong, there will be nothing I can do about it. The door is locked and she knows where the key is and we do have neighbors at home in eyeshot. Even with all of this, something could still go wrong in the hour that she will be unsupervised.

It is every parent's nightmare to even contemplate something happening to our children. But this queasy feeling is one that I think I will just have to live with as she gets older. Doesn't mean I have to like it though. and until I get the word that the pickup for ballet has gone off as scheduled, I will be uneasy.

Of course, it gladdens my heart that she has the self-confidence to do this.