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Tales from the Steppes


2004-01-18

9:55 p.m.
apples and oranges

I was reading what Squotter had to say about apples and trees and experienced a bit of deja vu. I have one of those myself and she is my most difficult parenting challenge. And it isn't just because I am difficult.

When EM was born, I recognized her immediately. I mean, I knew the coloring, the nose, the eyes (my grandfather's), and even the back. Pretty scary. Genes are absolutely amazing. As she has gotten older, it is very apparent to me that her facial features, except for the nose and cheekbones (or lack thereof) are not like mine at all. She even has an upper lip, whereas mine went to Bermuda and never even sent a postcard. But the amazing thing is that I am the only person that sees how different we actually are. Sure, my hair used to be that color and our ponytails are exactly the same, but that forehead is not mine and her smile is wholly her own. But it astonishes me how a body type can be so easily passed on.

And of course the similiarities are not merely physical. Like me, she is disorganized and a bit of a mess. Neither one of us can remember a damn thing and it is only through great force of will that I keep my chaos in some state of containment. EM is not at this point yet. And it frustrates the hell out of me. When I am in the moment of looking at the fact she has spaghetti sauce down the front of her shirt, I am not in the moment of remembering that I used to be that self-unaware of my physical self. And still occasionally am. In trouble for reading a book in class? Yeah, I did that too. But I still have to say something about it, because it's my job to.

There is nothing to be done about it but to let her grow at her own rate and in her own direction. I think that probably the key to parenting a child that is so much like you is to realize just how much they are not. It would be too easy to treat her like an extension of myself, but she is very much her own person. It may turn out that our similarities are merely superficial.

But of course, one of the problems that you can run into is that you both have the same weaknesses or issues. EM tends to be very emotional, which also drives me up the wall. If she were like me, she would get all logical when she gets angry and we could have a little Spockfest to see which one of us could show the least emotion. The thing that makes me laugh is that my mother acts much more like EM when she gets upset and it used to drive _her_ up the wall when I would stonewall It drove her nuts that she couldn't get a reaction out of me and she would try her damndest to break my self-control. I am sure there is a moral here somewhere. On the other end of the spectrum, the Spousal Unit and MM both have a need to bludgeon each other over the head with their knowledge to prove their rightness.

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Starting today, I am going to include something happy with each entry. It has come to my attention that many entries make it sound like my life sucks (or is very bizarre), which it does not. I actually have a pretty fabulous life and am very fortunate. Most of the time I am a happy person. Much of what you read is the exception, rather than the rule. So, here goes.

Last night I walked Beorn through the falling snow and it was wonderful. The sound snow makes as it falls from the sky is one of my favorite sounds. I love having snow get caught in my hair and falling on my face. Beorn cavorted and frolicked, snapping at the flakes as they were falling from the sky.

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